The idea that it's only been 20 days since I last updated this site is crazy to me. I honestly don't know where to start with everything that's happened so I'm just going to go through them in chronological order.

First off, I got word from my agent that I was down to the final two for a film role I taped for months ago, and they were asking for my availability ahead of sending my tape back to the director for second consideration. I fully thought I was out of the running for this and had basically moved on, but then the casting directors message my agent and emphasize the urgency of getting this sorted out. Unfortunately I was half way through rehearsals for the touring play at this point, and filming would clash with one of the last performances on the tour. I stated my commitment to the job I was already working and said my availability would be limited by this one day. The movie role wasn't even being offered to me, it was just a diary check, nothing more. Unfortunately, due to some crossed wires, the outcome was less than ideal...

I lost my role in the touring play half way through rehearsals. I was devastated. Whilst I was on the phone telling my agent that I was committed to this job and that my availability would be limited, the theatre company were on the phone to other actors trying to save their show. In the time it took me to finish one call, the damage had been done, and my role was recast. It was over in about ten minutes.

It shouldn't have gone down like that. I spent the rest of the night on the phone trying to salvage the situation, but nothing worked. The other guy had already turned down other work and the theatre company felt a sense of responsibility for him. I packed up my stuff and came back home first thing the next morning.

I spent the next day in bed recovering. My partner was an angel, she kept me laughing through it all and helped me process what went wrong. Now that the dust has settled I do feel like I've moved past it, and I've definitely come out of it with a newfound sense of conviction and self-confidence, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't still sting. It really was a dream role on a great project. I miss it.

And I still don't know if I got the movie.

On a lighter note, within a few days of losing the job, my partner and I started house hunting, found a place we loved, put in an offer, and had it accepted. We can't wait to move in, but the administrative and legal work required to make the necessary plates spin is exhausting and stressful. It's a great position to be in, but considering I left by day-job not long ago, and lost out on a pretty decently paid acting job mid way through, my bank account is starting to feel the pressure.

As I write this it's 01:24am. I'm snatching what little alone time I have to satisfy the urge to write that I've been carrying around for a few weeks now. I desperately need to get words down. The very act of writing has been pulling at me, but the thought of coming away from what we're going through to indulge in anything fictional feels like it wouldn't do me any kind of therapeutic good. So here I am blogging again.

My drafts folder is growing. I don't know when, or if, any of them will come out and I still find myself struggling with exactly how much I want to share, but I don't think I can write anything else right now. I need to process what's going on right in front of me. Art can come later.